Peace after Loss..For my Mother, and all who have lost someone they care for.

Most people who know me know that I usually a silly crazy person who is on the very rare occasion serious and sappy (unless its a football game the Jets were not supposed to win,,, and ya DanWOW sheds a tear or  two! GO JETS!!!) All people have a side of them they hide well through laughter and jokes, people put a good face on from time to time to hide their pain and true feelings.. I told myself that this blog was always going to be off the wall, crude, rude, and socially unacceptable.. But I am going to break my own rules today, Breaking my life rules have been in my favor lately, for one dating a boy in a band was huge "NO" in the rule book of DanWOW, and I am so glad I have broke that one, he has become the beans on my weird salad....Sometimes rules are made to be broken!!!

Doing my normal daily routine today,, and that's coffee and country music ( C and C ) while I make my bed and clean up my house a song came on and put me right to the floor in tears,, tears of sadness, happiness, and memories.... Its amazing how music can effect us so much in so many different ways. And that's when I decided to write a serious blog today and share a story and a couple things that I have wrote that may give my mom, and those of you who have lost something and or someone close to you some peace and comfort.

I don't think I have felt loss as much in my life until these past six months,, and coming out of it I see life in a new way.. A wonderful gift it is that we are given to live, love, and laugh.. Never take one day, one second for granted because in a blink of an eye its over..

I lost my very best friend in November,, the one thing that was always loyal, loving, and always no matter what made me smile.. My Sir.Samson Jenkins was the most amazing dog ever, full of life and love. We were the perfect match and because of him I now know the feeling of true unconditional love and I am so thankful for that. Most people never know that feeling, and when he left me it broke my heart, but by the grace of god I was able to pull through and find a peace within myself.... So if you are someone who lost a dog who who considered a best friend please find peace in the words I wrote for my best friend who now has wings:

For Sam:
Go now and feel no pain
You have your wings, like the angel you always were to me
You have taken my heart with you
Follow the soft green trail
Feel the warm dew on your paws
Smell the fresh flowers along the trail to your new home
You are welcomed by angels
Feel their warm touch love and embrace it
The same warmth you gave me for so long
Go now and play
Swim now without getting tired
Run now with no loss of breath
Climb so high now with no fear of falling
Rest forever now knowing you showed me the most unconditional love, and I will be ok
Feel my thoughts float up to you in heaven with the warmth of the sun on your soft white fur
Know when you feel a drop of rain from the sky its my tear, and its falling in joy you feel no pain
A tear for every exceptional memories we have shared
Its the splash of water from your paw as we swam together so many times
And when I feel a breeze on a hot day I will know its your wings cooling me down
So go now and rest my very best friend
When I think of you I will always smile knowing the feeling of true love
And I can rest because of that
So go now and rest forever..............

Recently about a month ago I watched my mother go through the loss of a brother,, a brother that she was very close to,, a Uncle that I was very close to.. I was lucky enough to have been able to work with him for a while laying carpet,, He was the most amazing man ever.. He would always make people laugh. When I worked with him I was the only girl on his crew and he would talk shit to guys and tell them I was better and stronger than they were.. So he named me "BIG D" he made me realize I can literally do anything a guy can do just as long as I try hard enough. I thank him so much for that freedom of thinking..Its crazy how god always seems to take the great ones,,and its unfair but we here on earth have to overcome the pain and sadness and just know we see them soon.. there are no goodbyes just so long for now....I was asked to do a reading out of the bible at his funeral and I was very honored to be able to do that for such a wonderful man who was like a father to me.. He would of been the man who gave me away at my wedding!!!! So him leaving us was unthinkable for my mother and myself... I wanted to say my own words at the funeral not just a scripted reading so I did..... I wrote something for his family, my mother, and everyone.... So if you have lost a family member maybe this will give you some peace after loss..

Carpet of flowers in the Sky:
God looked around his garden and found an empty place
He then looked down upon earth and saw your tired face
He put his arms around you and lifted you to rest
With help of his angels they flew you up to heaven
Gods carpet of flowers in the sky must be beautiful, he always takes the best
He knew you were suffering, he knew you were in pain
He knew you would never get well on earth again
He saw the road was getting rough, and the hills were to hard to climb
He closed your weary eyes and whispered "Peace be thine"
It broke our hearts to loose you
But you didn't go alone
For a part of us went with you that day that god called you home.....

Make sure every day you tell those who you care about how much they mean to you, never sweat the small stuff, laugh as much as you can...Never hold back from your dreams....And always love with all you have in you. And you will never have any regrets. Put words of inspiration on your walls to remind you everyday the gift you possess.. The gift is life.. Love your life!!!!!!!!!!

I know this was very sappy but from time to time its ok....

Nipples on a Mannequin...

I notice the strangest things..And always have, hopefully always will!! It makes my days never for a second dull. Dull is lame and god willing I will never be a lame chick.

I remember shopping for clothing when I was younger with my mom and the Mannequins in the stores for display did not have nipples (why i remember this is beyond me). But now these perfectly shaped props in the stores that look so good in the clothes that we buy have these two little things on their breasts called nipples!! How odd, and when did they convert them to nipple bearing structures. And why? Are they gong to feed their little mannequin babies? Are they gonna let their mannequin husbands play with them in bed? Hummm are they going to put a pretty stud through them and make them fancy nipples? ("they should").

The strangest thing about these nipples is the shape and size of them. They are super small like little skittles, the nipple is very long, and points strait up to the florescent lights on the ceiling of the store. I wonder if they were outside in a field of they would point to the sun and follow it like sunflower.. (oh how I love sunflowers).

When the mannequins are dressed the nipples show right through the shirts, "put a bra on those bad boys,, what kind of example is that for our teenage girls".

Most of all if the female mannequin have nipples what about the penis on the guy ones, poor dudes no wonder why they all have that same lost expression!! Could u imagine. I mean even the Ken doll has a little bump down there!!!!! And there is no fat mannequins, none with kanckles, a frumpa, big nose, while tails, side rolls, or the hottest ever back fat.... And what about ethnic ones? How is the Chinese person going to know what they look like in the out fit if they don't have time to try it on.. Come on mannequin designers if u can give the chick ones nipples make it happen for all shapes, sizes, and races!!

So next time you are shopping seriously check out the nipples, and if you are like me unzip the jeans in the guys department and shed a tear for the flat crotched dude with the sad look on his face, he will never please his nippled wife when the lights go out and the store closes...

"You can milk anything with nipples".. "I have nipples Focker can you milk me"....Humm can you milk a mannequin....????

Morning WOOD!!!!

I woke up today and the first thing popped into this troubled mind of mine was "MORNING WOOD", no pun intended....I was having a conversation with someone the other day about BONERS while eating a dinner he called a "hippi meal" my thought about the dinner is who doesn't love a big mushroom cap!!,,why this topic got brought up is beyond me! This person and myself have the most odd conversations I have ever had with anyone its AWESOME, AMAZING, GROSS, PERVERSE, HYSTERICAL,WRONG IN EVERY WAY, and I love it.. We will refer to this person as Mobey...

I asked Mobey why guys get morning wood,, he had no medical explanation at all just that it happens! And apparently it happens allot even during the day and at random times "NICE".. So I asked Mobey what dose he do when it happens, or what do guys do when it happens? What dose he think about? And dose he do the old tuck it up into the belt trick...I got a good laugh out of that.. I suggested to think about a dog taking a big old shit,, that's a total turn off right!! And of course that brought up the conversation of POOP...lol..What great dinner conversation at DanWOW's house..SHIT,,BONERS,,and what hippie's eat..

I decided to do a little reserch about the penis.. And find an explanation for MORNING WOOD!!

MORNING WOOD its not so much to do with the morning as it is to do with the night and what goes on in those wonderful complex bodies of the men we lalalalala love so much..Men get several erections during the night while they are in their REM stage of sleep (So wake up ladies and GET SOME)..Those erections are called nocturnal erections. Men begin having these in early childhood (go figure)...However these erections have nothing to do with their horny wet dreams or excitement. They occur when neurological stimulator's cause blood to flow into the penis. That insures oxygen is properly delivered to the penis and helps keep the penile tissue healthy (and that's a good thing,, keep those boners long and strong and bound to get the friction on). Men don't normally notice these erections, but may occasionally encounter their little man at attention when they wake up. About 4 out of 5 of these HARD episodes happen EVERY night and yes--ALL men have them. And whats very interesting to me is that even men who unable to get BONERS because of a psychological problem still have these nocturnal erections (so you ladies who are with a man with that problem just drink a shit load of coffee and watch for the blankets to rise up,, and enjoy the rise)..And if it doesn't work invest in a little green toy that take batteries,, name it Sanchez and you will never be let down... Go Jets...

The up comming work meeting..

I am lucky enough to work in a place with amazing people that I am able to call my friends,,although at times I wanna punch Rachi #2 in her huge boobs..But don't get me wrong I love her like a sister. And with that the craziest things happen on a day to day basis.

Let it be known also that the staff is pretty much 90% FEMALES.. Chill out boys keep your paints on,, I know what you are thinking!

Jerri (our mother hen-Boss) has scheduled a meeting for this Sunday. And as usual the hens are in a tizzy about it... WE ARE NOT FANS OF THESE BITCH FESTS.. And its early in the morning. Most of us stay up late, get drunk, have wild sex, close the bar, drink boxes of wine in our bath tubs, turn into the devil, and fly home on Jet packs...So the meeting will be interesting to see who is drunk still, how many of the girls I can crack up laughing with one of my insane stories, who is late, how many of us show up in our PJ's, and how pissed us bitches will make Jerri because we can not be serious when we are all at the same table!! . And someone better bring donuts, that is a must!! "DanWOW likes donuts bitches"

Ok with all said now here is the good part..
Kristen, Rachi #2, and myself were talking at work tonight about the meeting and Rachi#2 makes a comment about the way the severs have to rotate the tables with the bartender (that's a touchy subject,, and one of the big things that will be addressed at the meeting). Me and Kristen look at each other and say at the same time "omg don't say anything about that Jerri will KILL U"!! And us three all laughed.. Rachi#2 proceeds to say "you are right she will have a baby".. I chime in with no she will give birth to Marshall all over again! (Marshall is Jerri's 185pd high school senior who is a bad ass football player and not a small boy by any means)...

DanWOW (me)-"Jerri is gonna give birth to Marshall all over again,, and then put him back,, then she is gonna kill you Rachi#2"!!!!!!!

We laughed so hard I had tears in my eyes..And so did my two partners in crime.. Rachi#2 starts saying this crazy line in a crazy voice "If you use the last of the Joe you gotta make some mo" and saying it over and over again,, I couldn't understand at first what in gods green earth she was saying but i was dying laughing... We all calmed down a little so she could tell us.. And it was a line that Terry Tate said.. Go to YouTube and look him up!!!!!

We decided that we need Terry Tate to give us our next work meeting.....

"If you use the last of the Joe you gotta make some mo"
 Rachi#2 DanWOW loves your crazy ass!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!